Three Ways to Manage Sensory Overload for the HSP

Posted on September 20, 2021 by authormo

One of the thrilling parts of being an HSP is the amount and intensity of emotional and bodily sensation we experience. From moment-to-moment we are on a never-ending roller coaster of heightened feeling. Whether it’s a strong emotional surge throughout our being or a shadowy pain that strikes us the moment we sense another’s pain, we move through our days experiencing life at its fullest through our senses.

It’s not hard to understand how dealing with this constant barrage of feeling can and does overload the HSP. While we enjoy the insight this phenomenon gives us, we suffer when the overload becomes too overpowering.

Take heart – there is hope. You can take preventative measures to manage that overload. Here are some important ones:

Pay Attention to the Signs

Sensitive people are usually highly creative. Our minds are always gathering subtleties, collecting insights, drawing inspiration from our environment. All this in the hope of quenching the driving force for creation within us. Whether that drive expresses itself through painting, entrepreneurship, music, writing, or any number of the many artistic outlets there are, we must channel our energies through them.

While this is an attractive quality, if not held in check, it can overwhelm us. The key to regaining our equilibrium is to set our internal awareness to high. If we remind ourselves to mentally check in on when this is happening, we can step back and decompress.

Some of the ways I use to accomplish this is through meditation, meditative movement like tai chi or yoga, or simply a relaxing walk. My favorite way is to take our two dogs for a short walk around town. They love the adventure, and I am rejuvenated.

Image by Sergey Katyshkin from Pixabay

Be in the Moment

Live in the now. When you find yourself lamenting the past or fretting about the future, pull yourself back to the now. We only have control in the moment that we are currently in. You cannot change the past so there is no plausible reason to go there. The future comes as it will. Set goals but remain flexible. Life tends to bring us what we need when we need it. If we are too busy trying to manipulate it, we miss all the wonder and joy of the present.

Being grounded in the moment takes away unnecessary stimulation. When your focus remains on the present, the swirls of avoidable stimulants disappear.

Be Solitary

Separate yourself from the stimulant. Whether it’s people or a task, if you are too overwhelmed you won’t be good company, or you can’t give your best to the job at hand. Be kind to yourself – leave the stimulant and spend time alone. Indulge a hobby you enjoy. Breathe in the fresh air of nature. Take in a book in a quiet library (yes, libraries do still exist).

When you are back to your equilibrium, you can return, if necessary, to the source of arousal.

The increased sensory input we experience is a special gift, but it can also plague us if we don’t manage it well. If we are vigilant, we can enjoy its vitality without letting it overpower us. Choose self-care – you’re worth it.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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The Lovingkindness Paradox and the Highly Sensitive

Posted on September 13, 2021 by authormo

For anyone who has followed my blogs, you know that I advocate an attitude of lovingkindness. I strongly believe in practicing love and kindness in a world filled with hate, greed, and a me-centered consciousness. It is a powerful tool that, used along with tolerance and compassion, will bring about the positive change our world so desperately needs.

We as HSPs are equipped to lead in this fight. Our strong empathy gives us an advantage in that lovingkindness tends to naturally inhabit our nature. No doubt, we have the advantage in feeling and practice. But many of us are at a disadvantage too. We struggle with drawing the line.

And a line must be drawn. Unfortunately, we live in a world where energy vampires, narcissists, and all-around nasty people also live. Their ranks seem to multiply exponentially each day. These people will abuse and manipulate anyone they meet.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Highly sensitive people are sought-after targets. Our empathy and compassion provide fuel for their insatiable appetites for exploitation. Our thin boundaries (defined as a porous and transparent border between us and others) crave intimacy. By nature, we are open and trusting. Sometimes so much so that we overwhelm our systems.

People view us as caring and compassionate. So, they seek us out for comfort and an encouraging ear. This is one of our gifts to others. But when another person turns that act of kindness into abuse and manipulation on their part, this is when they become destructive to us. This is the invisible line that we often find difficult to draw.

But draw it, we must. When we encounter these people, we must learn to shift, from that person to ourselves, the lovingkindness that we naturally espouse. A challenge for the charitable soul that lies within.

True lovingkindness includes us. If we are to give into the exploitation by such people, we are not practicing lovingkindness. We are contributing to the cruelty that they inflict by allowing it to happen. Here, the loving and kind thing to do is to assertively stand up to and refuse to be damaged by the offender. In this way we say with our actions that their behavior is unacceptable. Letting them know this is spreading the truth. Whether they choose to accept it or not is their responsibility.

I am not advocating lashing out at them. This is never appropriate, and we are not immune to falling prey to it. But taking a calm, collected but strongly assertive stand to protect ourselves is necessary.

Being kind to yourself as well as to others is the ideal. Knowing when and to whom to apply that lovingkindness is the paradox. Knowing and understanding this will help you define your boundaries while continuing to embrace your highly sensitive gifts.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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Choice Affects Everything – Here’s How You Develop Your Gifts Through the Choices You Make

Posted on September 6, 2021 by authormo

Your choices, from the tiniest to the major life choices, affect not only you, but everyone within your sphere of influence. That’s an ominous thought. Every choice you make has a consequence. We know that one of our traits is conscientiousness. We tend to have solid values that reflect our inner sense of what is right. And we follow our principles. Let’s see how our choices affect us and others:

Depth of Processing

One of our most precious gifts is the ability to process complex problems on a level much deeper than the average person.

Our choice to apply honorable values to this processing advances all that is good for the whole of society. Taking this responsibility as our driving force, we not only develop ethics and morals in the solutions we come up with, but we strengthen our own.

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay.

Creativity

As HSPs, we long to create. Each of us forge a work of art through the avenues that draw us. Whether it’s a business idea, a sculpture or other art form, music, writing, or any other form of creation, what results benefits those around us.

Our choice to put integrity and quality into our works, speaks to those we serve. As we pursue this practice, we develop our ability to communicate what is positive and good.

Gratitude for Simple Blessings

Our choice here helps to remind us of what is most important in our lives. We set an example for others, while keeping ourselves grounded in humility.

Empathy

High emotional quotient is the new buzzword for sought-after business traits. It’s about time business got around to appreciating this very desirable trait. When we use our empathy to bring solutions that have understanding and responsiveness to the feelings of others at the core of their being, we provide products and services that benefit everyone.

Our choice to speak up with our empathetic minds and hearts keeps business moving toward truly serving humankind. As we develop our voices, our confidence gives us the fuel to make larger and larger contributions.

Perceiving Subtitles

This trait covers a wide range of benefits for other people. We can perceive nuances that expose hurt, shame, or other negative traits, which we can address with our empathy. We see associations and implications that can answer questions that a less detailed approach might miss.

Image by Lukáš Jančička from Pixabay

Our choice to consciously apply this trait to special projects, volunteer activities, and everyday interactions brings fresh perspective and insight that might not otherwise be available. As when you use a muscle, it grows stronger and more vital, so it is with this trait, strengthening relationships along the way.

Love of Nature

A non-HSP may look at a pre-sunrise sky and say, “Wow, that’s pretty.” Then, walk away. Another person who is highly sensitive sees the same sight. They stare in awe and wonder, allowing the beauty to seep into their hearts and pull the tears to their eyes. The HSP perceives the subtle differences in the pinks, yellows and purples as they blend in perfect harmony to create emotions in the viewer like peace, composure, and appreciation for the divine in a simple landscape.

We are the guardians for nature. We see beauty through the nuances of our environment. Our choice here is to alert to and protect the delicacy that surrounds us. Through our decision to share with others just how infinitely blessed we are to inhabit such artistry, we deepen our own emotional relationship with the universe.

Our choices have power. Making the right choices for our personal value systems helps us grow while making a positive contribution to the world we live in.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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The Importance of Self-Care for the HSP

Posted on August 23, 2021 by authormo

Self-care is a buzzword we’ve all heard for many years now. We’ve been urged to take care of ourselves from many experts. I personally have regimes given to me by my chiropractor, my GP, my eye doctor. Then, there are the general admonitions to exercise, maintain a healthy weight, reduce stress, prevent cancer, etc.

The marketing industry has seized the whole movement, using it as an excuse to make their products necessities. In response, many people resist the concept as only a marketing ploy. But at the base of the movement is solid, positive intent. We should take responsibility for caring for ourselves.

It is no different for the HSP.

Image courtesy of Tommy Rau on Pixabay.

Thick vs. Thin Boundaries

Years ago, the concept of boundaries was defined by Dr. Ernest Hartmann as a concept to describe personality differences. Those with “thick” boundaries have a well-defined sense of who they are as opposed to another person. The relationship between themselves and their emotions is solid and unbreachable. “Thin” boundaried people have a more permeable surface. They can sense and often actually feel another person’s emotions within their own border. The line is porous and transparent. HSPs have thin boundaries.

Thin boundaries are what define our sensitivities. In response we are open, experience tremendous empathy, trust, and intimacy with other people. Traits that make us into caring and care-taking individuals. As such, we contribute compassion, deeply felt understanding, and tolerance to the world around us.

While having thin boundaries has its benefits, it also has its downside. We become easily exhausted as we experience not only our own emotions, but those of the people around us. We are sought out by people who need a caring and kind ear. The weight of the world seems to fall on our shoulders. It takes its toll on our health. To keep from burnout, physical health deterioration, and mental exhaustion, we must take steps to care for ourselves.

This is often difficult for the caring and compassionate HSP to say “no” to those who demand our time and attention. But it is necessary for us to be able to function properly as a contributing HSP. I urge you to make HSP self-care a part of your life. Here are some tips to start you off:

  • First and foremost, allow yourself enough time and space to gather your equilibrium.
  • Stick to what’s important in your life – you are one person. You cannot save the world single-handedly.
  • Create time for solitude. Carve out alone time. Shut the door and be by yourself for at least part of your day.
  • Make downtime your own. Allow yourself to indulge in what makes you feel good. Take in nature, write, meditate, exercise, listen to music, take part in a hobby, read. Whatever gives you solace.
  • Nurture your spirit. Do an activity that brings you greater connection with your soul. Seek out a deeper sense of meaning.
  • Strengthen your boundaries. Learn to say “no” to people’s requests of you when you are overloaded.
  • Connect with animals and plant life. Their presence has a healing effect. I start each day walking our two dogs. They love it and I find it lifts my spirits and gives me energy to go into my day.

Find what rebuilds your own personal balance. Then commit to a daily practice. In the long run, it will help keep you healthy and active in your life as an HSP.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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An HSP’s Personal Experience with ASMR

Posted on August 16, 2021 by authormo

ASMR, or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, is a very hot topic these days for those seeking relief from the stresses and distresses of life. If you don’t know what ASMR is, read this article first.

This phenomenon just recently came to my attention. And I became curious. Whenever something involves the senses, it gets my immediate scrutiny. So, I went to YouTube to give it a try.

I searched out several different interpretations offered by different creators. On every one of them I found that I had to stop the video after the first minute or so. The sounds that were being pumped into my headphones were annoying to me. Those sounds that were supposed to be soothing were overstimulating my nervous system in a negative way. Much in the same way that a clothing label promptly begins to “annoy” the part of my body it touches, causing me sensory anxiety.

Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay

I do, on an intellectual level, understand how those sounds may trigger comfort and peace to someone. But to me, they were just the opposite. At first, I thought that maybe it was that particular creator’s video – perhaps in the way they presented the sound – that was the problem for me. However, after waiting enough time to regain my calm, I would try a different person’s rendition of the same sounds. In my personal experiment those sounds were whispers and crinkling paper, sometimes on a backdrop of soothing music, sometimes by themselves. I became overstimulated each time.

I found this interesting. I had gone into my examination hopeful. In the past, I’ve had a pleasant and thoroughly calming effect arise from another person “breaking an egg over my head.” To do this little exercise, you sit upright while another person gently taps the top of your head (as if to crack an egg), then places the tips of their fingers where the tap occurred. Simulating the egg dripping down your head, they begin to slide each finger slowly and lightly down everywhere except your face. They do this until they reach your shoulders. I didn’t know it at the time, but this process would fall under the ASMR umbrella of triggers. A type of gentle massage.

ASMR affects each person differently according to their own unique nervous system. So, I suspect that these are triggers that for someone else are soothing but are uncomfortable for me.

I also suspect that the response is increased in the HSP because of our increased sensory sensitivities. We have more finely tuned nervous systems that arouse easily to subtle stimuli. Which direction that arousal goes, pleasurable or annoying, is found in the intricacies of our individual makeup.

Even though my personal research did not turn out as I hoped it would, I would still encourage any HSP to find their own individual ASMR triggers and make use of them. We must be kind to ourselves and making use of ASMR techniques is one way in which we can do that.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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A Squirrel Never Asked to be Born a Squirrel – A Lesson for HSPs

Posted on August 9, 2021 by authormo

When my son was much younger, he was a Cub Scout. Due to a bicycle accident, he missed the night his troop handed out the kits for making bird houses and other shelters for small wildlife. By the next meeting, the only shelter kit left was one for squirrels. The other boys chided him for getting “stuck” with the squirrel shelter no one else wanted.

Image of Baby Squirrel by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

My husband and our son took the kit home and worked together on assembling it. When finished, they scoured the yard for a place to put it. Once in place, we went to the store and purchased “squirrel” food (the closest we could find was bird seeds), so my son could attract the squirrels to their new home.

This incident was a good teaching moment because our son asked us that night why the other boys would tease him about being last and being left with the squirrel enclosure. Squirrels, of course, are considered more pests than they are vital parts of the wildlife environment. People generally try to eradicate them from their yards rather than attract them.

So why are they so scorned?

  • They are not particularly cute.
  • There seems to be numerous amounts of them.
  • They steal seeds humans put out to attract birds.
  • They have been known to chew through walls and inhabit attics.
  • As part of their inborn survival instinct to store food away for the winter, they bury nuts and seeds, then forget about them. We are forever digging up little trees that result from this activity.

Yet squirrels, like every other creature that occupies our earth, have their place. If we dig a little deeper, we see the greater picture:

  • They may not be especially cute, but they have many interesting and entertaining behaviors. Like rubbing an acorn across their faces. They do this to place their scent on it thereby increasing their chances of finding it later. They flip their tails about, chirp at you, and seem to glide from place to place with ease and grace.
  • Yes, there seems to be an overpopulated amount of them, but there are some types of squirrels whose numbers are waning and in danger of extinction.
  • As part of the natural environment, they view the seeds set out for birds as the “first come, first serve” of nature’s bounty. They have no idea that a human has decided for them that they should not be able to partake of those food sources.
  • Out of necessity, they chew. Their front teeth are always growing. They must chew to avoid this growth causing injury to their lower jaw and skull.
  • And that burying ritual they have – all part of their task to reshape plant composition in the forest. As nature’s gardeners, they are the planters that keep the ecosystem intact.

So why should we care? As HSPs, why be concerned with the squirrel? The answer is that we are so very much like them.

  • We are different, and sometimes that difference marks us as not “cute.”
  • Our population is a larger part of the human landscape than is comfortable for non-HSPs – 15%-20%. Only recently have HSPs begun to admit to their role, keeping the trait alive and openly flourishing.
  • We are a vital part of humanity in so many ways. We need to assume what is ours by nature and not let what someone else’s idea of how we should be hold us back.
  • Out of necessity, we act as who we were born to be. We need to practice those parts of us that make us different so we can contribute in our own way. Even if our behavior disturbs those who don’t understand.
  • Our contribution to the forest of life is vital – it has its critical mission. We bring empathy and understanding to the workplace. We practice conscientiousness and truth in all that we do. And with our depth of processing and attention to detail, we are good at strategic planning. All along with a healthy creativity and an awareness of subtleties in our surroundings.

A squirrel has no desire to be anything but a squirrel because he or she knows their strengths as well as their weaknesses and accepts them all. We should do the same.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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Human Biomonitor – HSPs and Environmental Sensitivities

Posted on August 2, 2021 by authormo

As an HSP, you are probably familiar with Dr. Elaine Aron’s DOES acronym. Each letter stands for a trait that is common to all HSPs. D equals depth of processing, O stands for overstimulation, E equals emotional responsivity and empathy, and S stands for sensitivity to subtleties.

Dr. Elaine Aron’s DOES list for HSPs

But there are other ancillary traits you may be more susceptible to as a highly sensitive person. These include chemical intolerances, sensitivities, and illnesses; certain smells, sounds or bright lights; even electromagnetic fields or radio frequencies. This list does not cover everything. Your body is unique even within the HSP spectrum.

If your sensitivities include environmental issues, you have an extra layer of sensitivity that makes you unique. As such, you are the biomonitor for substances that are toxic to humans. Here are a few examples:

MSG

I discovered this intolerance when I started my triggerless diet program in my attempt to reduce the number of migraines I had. I weeded out every food that was known (to me) at that time as a trigger and had begun to get a handle on the incessant migraines that I was experiencing. I was finally beginning to feel like I had some control over my health again. Then my family decided to go on an outing to the local Chinese restaurant we loved. I was careful to exclude mushrooms and other iffy foods. But the next day I had a monster of a migraine. When it finally subsided after about 36 hours, I felt fine for half a day. Then, it returned. It returned one more time to destroy my entire week.

The list I’d gathered did not include MSG because the author of the book I’d gotten the list from said that it may or may not be a trigger food. Indeed, the FDA had and continues to consider MSG “generally recognized as safe.”

In my case, I know MSG to be a trigger, and as such harmful to me. I also believe that many in the food production industry are aware of its adverse effects as there exists numerous pseudonyms for this substance that deceptively shy away from MSG or monosodium glutamate in their names.

Neurotoxins

Image by ATDSPHOTO from Pixabay

Sodium tripolyphosphate (STTP) is a neurotoxin used to soak fish in preparation for selling to the public. It makes your seafood “firmer, smoother, and glossier.” This chemical bath has caused me to experience migraines. It has other harmful side effects.

Labelling of this chemical is not required in the United States. You may be able to reduce your ingestion by asking your grocer or restaurant waiter if the fish is “wet” or “dry.” Wet means that your seafood has been soaked in this chemical. Dry means it has not.

Household Cleaning Products

I don’t have to go through the hazards of certain chemicals. Most people understand their potential for toxicity. But if you try to keep a clean home, you are probably going to expose yourself to chemical interaction. The way to avoid that is to mix your own cleaning solutions. Here is a good list to get you started.

Your body may be sensitive to other possibilities. Be watchful and aware. Avoiding your points of contention is a must.

It’s important to remember, too, if we collectively or individually have an intolerance to a certain substance, then it is certain to be on the harmful scale to others. Even those who do not feel it. This is a sacred privilege. It is part of our job as the minority sensitive human beings to be aware of, identify, and warn the general population of hazards in our environment. If we are sensitive to it, it more than likely is also harmful to the rest of us. It may just be on a more silent or stealthy path.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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Do you Always Have to be Kind to be Genuine?

Posted on July 26, 2021 by authormo

We as HSPs are genuine by nature. Authenticity arises from the conscientious component in our makeup. We strive to be completely honest in our feelings and the expression of those feelings to the outer world. We have defined values and beliefs, and we support those in our actions. We are not happy unless we are living our true selves.

Kindness is a close cousin of genuineness. The two often combine to form a welcoming demeanor. People who express friendliness, generosity, and consideration toward us are positive forces that reduce stress and anxiety, boost the immune system, and just plain make us feel good inside. But do you always have to be kind to be genuine?

This may seem like a strange question to contemplate but let me explain.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Authenticity is a yes-or-no state of being. Kindness is an act that arises either as the spontaneous output of a genuine state, or as a device for ill gain. The truth is kindness has two sides, each a direct opposite of the other. In its truest sense, it is a beautiful quality that can promote positive relationships. But it can also be faked. Used as a tool for manipulation or deceit. In those cases, kindness kills trust, hope, love, among many other desirable virtues.

If we are to be kind and genuine, we must always strive to keep the honest side forward. It might be argued that you should be kind, whether someone is kind to you or not. In this way you put your best foot forward. I disagree. If we are kind when we don’t mean it, we further the falsehood. In this case, kindness should not be confused with civility. It is important to remain civil to others, refraining from harsh treatment or violence, but you can be cordial while keeping your integrity intact. Assertive congeniality in action.

Unfortunately, there are vultures out there – Dr. Judith Orloff calls them Energy Vampires – who are more than ready to take advantage of our large capacity for empathy. When we encounter those Energy Vampires, we must stand our ground, keep integrity foremost, and pull back on our impulsive kindness. Reserve it for the more deserving people we encounter.

So, my answer to this question is no, we don’t have to always be kind to be genuine. In fact, it is in this authenticity that we find and put forward true kindness when it is appropriate. But there are also times when we must replace our first-line kindness with a guarded cordiality. We often find it hard as an HSP to stand up for ourselves, but necessary.

For more on this subject, see Kindness Gone Wrong.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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How We as HSPs Think with Our Bodies

Posted on July 19, 2021 by authormo

Embodied cognition, the premise that we think and feel with our bodies, is making science sit up and notice. For much of history it was assumed that thoughts and emotions originated in the brain, with our sensory and motor systems’ job limited only to the tasks of input and output. The theory of embodied cognition states that our behavior is sourced from more than just the brain. The brain is only one component in the wider system of perception of our world and the resulting behavior from that perception. Our nervous system is another component. Working together, they help us process our world view.

While the rest of the world is discovering this phenomenon, we who are highly sensitive know all too well that our sensitive nervous system affects our perceptions and behaviors. Here are some of the ways we perceive our world differently due to a sensitive nervous system.

Environmental and Emotional Perception

Being moved to tears by an emotional or empathetic experience when it does not affect someone with a typical nervous system in that way. The instantaneous effect on your body. Bright lights, strong smells, easily hurt and easily stimulated, fabrics that rub you the wrong way. The body feels the emotion, feels the reaction.

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Enhanced Fight or Flight Mechanism

The fight or flight response to stress affects all of us. But in my experience, it is present in colossal form in the HSP. Our reactions are magnified and more intense. Our sensitive nature picks up more complex subtleties and nuances that fuel the biochemicals that trigger the response.

Feeling Another’s Emotional and/or Physical State

If I see another person stub their toe or hit their elbow on a corner of the door, it sends a physical sensation into that area of my body. The sensation for me is not pain in the sense that the person experiencing the phenomena is. It is a strange and different feeling from when I experience that same impact on myself. I feel the pain without the physical hurt. I jump or flinch just the same, and the pain sensation travels the same nerve path, but without the pain itself.

This is my own perception and reaction. But other HSPs experience similar states. It is not a state of mind, it is a whole-body sensation.

Sensation from a Rich and Complex Inner Life

Thoughts and internal reflections in an HSP are felt so profoundly that they produce bodily responses: flushes, prickled nerve endings, an involuntary reflex. The reflection so ingrained within the nervous system that there is no outside stimulus at all. It is simply internal. The interaction of the brain and nervous system is wholly responsible for sensation.

Scientific breakthroughs in embodied cognition are beginning to shed light on a highly sensitive person’s differences that are as of yet still unknown to many folks with normal nervous systems. As HSPs we’ve known all along how intimately we think with our bodies in collaboration with our minds. We experience it every moment of the day.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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The Myth of Flawless Love and the HSP Woman

Posted on July 12, 2021 by authormo

Approximately 51 million Americans read romance novels. That number increases daily. The allures of the romance novel are many. We, as a society, are in love with love. Often the heroine early in the novel meets a rogue male who initially is wealthy, handsome, fit and virile, but in need of reform in some way. That improvement comes in the transformative love he finds in the heroine. By the end of the novel, the couple is in flawless love. A happily-ever-after state where the hero has developed a lifelong commitment, become the perfect husband and father, and has shed whatever undesirable traits he has developed over a lifetime to that point.

Scientists believe that this premise is so popular because it embodies what women most want in a lifetime partner, developed over centuries of evolution.

The problem is that the flawless love we women seek lies solely within the pages of a paperback book. In the real world, life is never flawless. The perfection state we desire falls far short of its ideal.

The average woman has enough trouble with this realization. We HSP women struggle even more with the challenges this premise presents.

Image by Bingo Naranjo from Pixabay

Awareness

We notice subtleties in behavior and mood more often and sooner than a non-HSP. Every flaw is magnified. They can get under our skin more often and sooner also. Disappointment, sadness and even depression can follow.

Idealism

We tend to be idealists. We look for the beauty in everything. We demand perfection of ourselves and expect it in others. It can be disheartening when the ideal is shattered.

Sensitivity

We are vulnerable to put-downs, verbal barbs, and other attacks that a man who does not fight fair may use during inevitable disagreements. These wound, sometimes to the point of incapacitation. If a partner is not self-reflective or desirous of changing damaging habits, the relationship suffers.

Empathy/Conscientiousness

Our empathy is strong. We come to know the past hurts and difficulties someone else has gone through. We feel them as though they were are own. We do not want to inflict more pain on someone who has been injured like this. Our conscience tells us we can not leave a man who has suffered as much as our partner has. The trouble comes when this loyalty to another’s needs conflicts with fulfilling our own needs.

Flawless love is as elusive as a four-leaf clover. There are relationships that come close and these should be our goal. But the above HSP traits compound the sticky issue of when to “do the work” on a relationship and when to abandon it for a shot at something more tenable.

To help us answer that question, we must:

  • be aware of these differences and face those challenges with courage and knowledge;
  • look for guidance and support from other HSPs;
  • trust our intuition and ourselves;
  • rise above guilt and shame foisted on use by others or ourselves; and
  • gather our wits from solitude and introspection.

Flawless love is a myth, but HSPs can find love. The key is to honor yourself in the process.

Copyright 2021, Monica Nelson

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